Here I Go Again – 7 Years Later

Well Hello there…

Here I am. 7 years and almost 36,000 views later. Who Knew I would be back here, again?

I didn’t think I would be back in this place. Graceful Agony is all but a memory to most. Life changed. We all moved on, in one way or another. My son has grown up. I am 11 years into my relationship with Tim. We have moved. I started working, after 17 years of being at home. I tried to build a career for myself. And I was living. REALLY living. Really, really living…..

I was living fully, with, or despite, or because, or with my pain. I can never be too sure which. Maybe it was all of those things, depending on the day. But regardless, my life was really full of all things ‘normal’, for the first time in almost 20 years.

It was too good to be true.

Like a house of cards, I came crashing down, as pieces drifted slowly to the ground.

Here I am. Back where I was.

Life-stealing pain, Hello again.

Hello doctor’s appointments, and waiting lists, and specialists, and medical tests. Hello again to the question’s that remain unanswered, the tears that are held back, the anxiety that is stifled, and the anger that hides deep inside.

Hello to the girl that I thought I had said goodbye to. The girl who was forced to live life on pause, for so many years. I didn’t think I would see you again. And yet, here you are.

Here I am.

Feeling like I am back at square one.