Standing up to turn around and follow the rest of the family out of the little chapel, my Nanny touched the casket and said “I’ll be with you soon…” and my heart broke for her… The 70 year journey that her and my Pappy had been on had come to an end, and my Nanny walked out of the chapel without her love…
My Pappy had cancer and he fought desperately hard but it was time for him to go… after 90+ years on earth, it was time for him to leave his legacy and find peace. Knowing that made it easier to accept – he lived a good life. He was a proud man, and he fought long and hard, but it was time for him to let go….
I don’t think my Nanny ever truly recovered from losing her love… Can you imagine spending even 50 years with the love of your life, let alone 70? That truly is living a ‘lifetime’ with someone…And I should only be so lucky.
A few weeks back my Nanny’s heart got very tired… She had a heart-attack, and never recovered…. She fought as well, but a few days ago she passed away. I guess you could say that she died of a broken heart… I believe that she did.
What can I say about my Nan….
I remember the weekend visits for tea when I was younger… My Nanny and Pappy always had Jelly tots in hand, and a dollar for me to put in my piggy bank… Isn’t that what grandparents are for?
I remember that my Nan made the best tea in the world.. I don’t know how she did it, but I have never been able to make a cuppa Red Rose the way she did… And she always had some sort of treat to pass around as well.. Peak Frean Cookies, Shortbread, Digestives… all the good English biscuits!
I remember my Nanny’s chair, the way she used to knit before she started losing her sight, the scent of her skin….
I remember how I loved to look at the hundreds of family pictures in their living room….
I remember how she teared up at my Brother’s wedding, and it being the first time I had seen her cry…
I remember how she hugged me the last time I saw her when we said goodbye after my Pappy’s funeral… and the last time I said “I love you Nan”.
My Nanny was a conservative English woman. She was proud, and growing up I never saw her overly emotional… but it was always known that she loved us – just in the way she knew how. A few years back when she gave up knitting for good because her eyes and her health were failing she wanted to know if I wanted her supplies, and I was really touched. Of course I said yes, I was honored to have that piece of history passed on to me… The next day my parents showed up with a TRUNK load of yarn, vintage patterns, and a bag full of needles… most are older than I am, I’m sure…. I think I will knit something beautiful to honor that connection we had.
One thing is for sure, my Nanny and my Pappy were inseparable.. there was never ONE without the OTHER… “Nanny-and-Pappy” were always one word… one entity….one breath…
And they are again…
I bet my Nanny is making my Pappy a cuppa tea right now as a matter of fact!
My Nanny and Pappy are together again,
and
at
Peace…
With each other.
Posted in Family, Grief, Life, Love | Tagged Family, Grief, Home, Knitting, Life, Love, Nanny | Leave a Comment »
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