Standing up to turn around and follow the rest of the family out of the little chapel, my Nanny touched the casket and said “I’ll be with you soon…” and my heart broke for her… The 70 year journey that her and my Pappy had been on had come to an end, and my Nanny walked out of the chapel without her love…
My Pappy had cancer and he fought desperately hard but it was time for him to go… after 90+ years on earth, it was time for him to leave his legacy and find peace. Knowing that made it easier to accept – he lived a good life. He was a proud man, and he fought long and hard, but it was time for him to let go….
I don’t think my Nanny ever truly recovered from losing her love… Can you imagine spending even 50 years with the love of your life, let alone 70? That truly is living a ‘lifetime’ with someone…And I should only be so lucky.
A few weeks back my Nanny’s heart got very tired… She had a heart-attack, and never recovered…. She fought as well, but a few days ago she passed away. I guess you could say that she died of a broken heart… I believe that she did.
What can I say about my Nan….
I remember the weekend visits for tea when I was younger… My Nanny and Pappy always had Jelly tots in hand, and a dollar for me to put in my piggy bank… Isn’t that what grandparents are for?
I remember that my Nan made the best tea in the world.. I don’t know how she did it, but I have never been able to make a cuppa Red Rose the way she did… And she always had some sort of treat to pass around as well.. Peak Frean Cookies, Shortbread, Digestives… all the good English biscuits!
I remember my Nanny’s chair, the way she used to knit before she started losing her sight, the scent of her skin….
I remember how I loved to look at the hundreds of family pictures in their living room….
I remember how she teared up at my Brother’s wedding, and it being the first time I had seen her cry…
I remember how she hugged me the last time I saw her when we said goodbye after my Pappy’s funeral… and the last time I said “I love you Nan”.
My Nanny was a conservative English woman. She was proud, and growing up I never saw her overly emotional… but it was always known that she loved us – just in the way she knew how. A few years back when she gave up knitting for good because her eyes and her health were failing she wanted to know if I wanted her supplies, and I was really touched. Of course I said yes, I was honored to have that piece of history passed on to me… The next day my parents showed up with a TRUNK load of yarn, vintage patterns, and a bag full of needles… most are older than I am, I’m sure…. I think I will knit something beautiful to honor that connection we had.
One thing is for sure, my Nanny and my Pappy were inseparable.. there was never ONE without the OTHER… “Nanny-and-Pappy” were always one word… one entity….one breath…
And they are again…
I bet my Nanny is making my Pappy a cuppa tea right now as a matter of fact!
My Nanny and Pappy are together again,
and
at
Peace…
With each other.
Posted in Family, Grief, Life, Love | Tagged Family, Grief, Home, Knitting, Life, Love, Nanny | Leave a Comment »
**If you are reading this anywhere other than www.gracefulagony.wordpress.com it is because this post has been stolen. Please click on the link provided to return to the site of origin
Graceful Agony 
Jolene, beautiful tribute to your Nan. I love that she gave you her knitting supplies. She loved you really loved you.
So many grandchildren do not have memories of grandparents sadly enough. You have cherished memories to hold close to your heart.
Is there a picture of Nan and Pappy?
God Bless you Jolene. Nan and Pappy are looking down on you with blessings,
Nancy xo
LikeLike
My dad passed away 9 years ago and sometimes it still doesn’t seem real. My mother is still alive but of course, all the dynamics change when something so brutal has happened. For years (sometimes still) I would say, think BooBoo and Papa. It was like saying peanut butter and jelly and I still force myself to remember there is no Papa anymore. He is in our hearts, he is in our memories. My kids were young when he died so I am sad that they don’t have the memories of being with him. I continue to tell them stories about him and once in awhile they will remember something silly. My dad and I (much to my mother’s chagrin) used to pile leftover food, sips, nibbles and make a cocktail. It is totally immature but my kids remember this and to this day I let them do this because it honors my father. We call it “Papa’s game.”
I truly believe that love continues, that you can never lose the love you had with someone. I think people who have passed stay with you, in your hearts and if you are open to it with messages. I have received messages from my dad and while many people don’t believe it, it is a big comfort to me. May you find peace in the fact that they are together and I truly believe they are. They are without pain, holding hands and sipping tea together, watching you and your familly from up above.
LikeLike
Hi Jo, sorry to hear about your nanny, I lost my nana 3 days before christmas last year after a short struggle with cancer. I think your nanny and my nana had a lot in common, but it wasn’t the tea for me, it was the porridge. No one could make porridge like my nana, I would be driving around with nothing to do and I would call and ask if I could come for a spot of tea and she would ask if there was anything else I would like and it didn’t matter what time of day it was I would ask for porridge. I have the similar memories when I was younger but my poppa seemed to have the only lolli pop tree in town. I remember everytime we went to visit them in bowness that silly tree always had a new lolli on it and I couldn’t believe they grew so fast. My heart goes out to as grandparents are a special and invaluable resource that alot of people take for granted these days, you think they will live forever, and they will…in our hearts. All my love!
LikeLike
Jolene, This post hit me hard when I read it and wept. My Gram died when I was only 16, but I miss her like it was yesterday. She still shows up in my dreams occasionaly. My kids are grown men (22 and 24) and they love their Gram with all their hearts. They have been lucky to have her for so long. Recently, with her being so sick and in the hospital/nursing home, I see their “Little Boy faces” looking at her and worrying. I hope they will have wonderful memories of their Gram, like you have of your Nanny
xoxoxomo
LikeLike
A loving tribute.
LikeLike
I am so very sorry for your loss. I love the memories that you have of her with the tea. My memory of my nana was of the goodie drawer that was under her oven full of chips and snacks that my mother would never let me have at home.
LikeLike
I’m so sorry for your loss. I love that your Nanny would make Red Rose tea. My grandma does the same, and no one makes it like she does. That was such a lovely tribute to a great woman.
LikeLike
Oh Jolene….what beautiful words. I am positive they are together again. Prayers for your sorrow for losing them but happy they are together again. God Bless you. I would love to see that trunk!!!
LikeLike
You have a talent with words Joey, beautifully done.
xxx
LikeLike
I love you Dad….
xoxoxoxo
LikeLike
Jolene….I am so sorry for your loss and at the same time happy that your Nanny is back with her love. Your post makes me cry because I know that sometime in the future my 90 year old “Maw Maw” will too pass on…she has practically raised me and we are closer than close and my heart will rip in two the day she must leave me. You wrote about this heart wrenching experience again with the grace we all have come to know. Thanks for sharing. I send all the loving hugs to you I can over the cyber universe! Love you…xoxoxo
LikeLike