I’d like to be able to say that the reason I haven’t been posting much this past month is because I have been off gallivanting and enjoying my summer… not that I HAVEN’T been enjoying my summer…. it is just that I have been in a whole lot of pain this past month.. and in the span of one breath, half the summer is already over…. As my WAY-older-than-years-son said to me today “Mom, it is the dog-days of summer such as this one that I think I really crave a holiday”… and um, yes, he did say that… he is EIGHT going on EIGHTY apparently….
There have been moments that I SHOULD have been really enjoying my summer… and there have been moments that I should have felt relief from the busy day-to-day schedule that is voided the day school lets out for summer holiday… but to be completely honest with you.. I just HAVEN’T…. I don’t know if my head has just not been in the right place, or if the pain has just gotten the better of me for the past little while… I don’t know, maybe it is a bit of both.. it just feels like I spent most of the entire month walking through quicksand….
It literally feels like I am in a big BOG filled with sticky sludgy suffocating quicksand… and the more I try to aptly move around the more wedged in the sticky stuff I get…. I am waking up anxious about getting through my day… and anxiety turns into frustration.. and frustration into anger if I am not careful… but the silly part is – I don’t even know WHY I am getting frustrated and angry!! That makes NO sense!! YES, I am in pain – and yes it has been intense pain… but I normally can navigate my way through it better than I have been… I mean, I am stronger than this….. aren’t I?
Why do I just feel Blah??
I am not depressed… I know what that feels like as I have suffered from a few really serious spells in the past… I would be the first one to admit if I was.. but I am not…. honestly…
I just think it takes a helluva lot of effort to walk through the bog every day – and I guess nobody needs to be jumping for joy or doing back flips over that… I can think of a thousand things I’d rather be doing with my summer… 😉
How do you get through the quicksand that is YOUR life at times?
Me, I keep putting one foot in front of the other.. and try to walk as slowly and as gracefully as I can until I can see my way out… but I am human.. and some days I fail.
I think I may stop trying to fight my way out… until tomorrow.
Or maybe my little dude is right… maybe it is time for a holiday 😉