And no… I don’t mean in that way.. tee hee…. Wouldn’t THAT be a miracle! 😉
Introducing LUCY GRACE!!
Birthdate: Feb 24/10
Breed: Morkie (Maltese Yorkie Cross)
Weight: um… I don’t think she weighs more than a hard-boiled egg 😉
ISN’T SHE BEAUTIFUL?!?!?!?!?
For those of you that don’t know, I lost my beautiful kitty after 16 wonderful years. Calvin was my heart and soul – my friend, and no matter how much pain I was ever in or how ugly I felt my life could get at times, he always loved me unconditionally. He saw me through so many life-changing experiences – From my pregnancy and the birth of my son to my marriage, my divorce, my health… 16 years is a long time, and he was my constant… We lost him just this past November, and it has proven to be much harder than I ever thought it was going to be. It has left a hole in my heart, as well as in our family, and I find myself learning how to do just about everything without him.
After a cloudy period of intense grieving I realized that my pain was becoming less and less controlled as time went on. I didn’t realize how much Calvin helped me get through my days, and how much I had depended on him for that. After speaking at length with my honey, we BOTH realized how instrumental my furry baby had been in my healing process. We spoke about the possibility to have another baby at some point but I knew that I couldn’t adopt another cat, for fear that I would be ‘replacing’ my faithful friend. I tried to look at some kitties online, and their pictures made me cry… We knew we had a surplus of love to give, but we didn’t know to WHOM. We looked at hundreds of classified ads, in shelters, and kept an open mind to the idea of adopting another family member when the time was right… We responded to numerous ads, and none of them felt ‘right’…. I didn’t want to get an animal just for the sake of having one – I wanted to find the perfect fit.
Just over a month ago I found an ad, and after chatting at length via email to a WONDERFUL gal, we decided that we wanted to take it a step further, and go meet with her and see her pups. I was really nervous, and didn’t know if I was making the right decision. My honey and I chatted nervously all the way to her home(or rather I chatted nervously, and he was cool as a cucumber!), and we both agreed that there was no pressure in making a decision right away, that we wouldn’t do anything that didn’t feel right… We were just going to ‘visit’, and if that meant walking away without a puppy, that would be fine…. It was actually a relief to give myself permission to say no…
Right from the moment this amazing gal opened her door, I felt right at home. She led us into her own personal bedroom where she had her pups loving set up right beside her bed. You could tell in an instant that her pets are an integral part of her life, and how much she truly adores them…. This litter had just been born – they were two weeks old at the time, and the tiniest and most helpless creatures I think I have ever seen! One by one she let us look at all 4 pups. We sat on her bedroom floor like we were in our own home… The first little boy she put in my hand was insanely cute, but I didn’t feel a connection…Then she placed Lucy in my hand I just KNEW that she was the one…. I immediately fell in love.
This tiny ball of love hadn’t even opened her eyes at that point, and was a bit flustered about being so far away from her Mom’s breast… She was squeaking and squealing and rooting around, and as soon as I placed her in my honey’s hand she calmed right down and fell asleep… In that moment something in my heart broke open…
It didn’t just break, it broke wide open… all the emotional and physical pain that I was carrying around since I lost Calvin came pouring out. I was finally purging all the sadness, and in its place came a sense of overwhelming calm and peace. But it wasn’t just that…. It started the process of healing in many places in my life. There was something about holding her that filled me with hope.
I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I may never be able to carry another child – and it is something that I just cannot wrap my head around. Being pregnant with my son was the single most life-changing experience I have ever had. The magnitude of the miracle of child-birth was never lost on me. I spent the whole 9 months of my pregnancy in complete awe and wonder…. and I have spent every day since in the same fashion. I was made to be a mother, plain and simple. At a time in my life when my health fell apart, and my marriage did also, I wasn’t thinking about ever having another child – but as time went on, and my heart healed from the terrible trauma the last few years of my marriage brought about, I was open to the possibility of sharing that experience with someone else…. IF I ever found HIM… With all the complexities and challenges I face each and every day, I didn’t think I would ever find someone who was strong enough to love me unconditionally… And then Tim walked in to my life.
Tim is the absolute love of my life. He is my very best friend. My soul mate. I never knew how ‘complete’ my life would become after having lost everything. Boy was I wrong!! He has stuck by me through thick and thin, through better and worse, and the ‘worse’ has solidified who we are to one another just as much as the ‘better’. At this time of my life, I have never been more EMOTIONALLY ready to have a child… but the devastation lies in the fact that my body just can’t. 😦
Until the moment I held Lucy for the first time, I never thought it possible to feel entirely whole considering a choice that Tim and I should have the right to make freely has been taken away from the both of us. I have carried a lot of anger in my heart for quite some time because of that (among other really intense emotions)…. And holding that helpless little baby in my hands took some of that anger away…. and opened my mind up to the possibility to still be able to become “new parents”, but in a way I hadn’t expected.
We left that day knowing that Lucy had completely taken over our hearts, and would soon take over our home as well 😉 .
We have two more weeks to go before she is fully cooked and ready to come home 😉 and all of a sudden I find myself nesting the way I did when I was pregnant… although my feet aren’t as swollen, and I don’t have the intense chocolate cravings.. (Okay, maybe I do a little..). I am focused on baby-proofing our home and we already have toys, a bed, a leash and collar for her… I am actually surfing knitting patterns on the net for puppy coats and blankets… I feel like a nervous and excited first time Mom again (Or I have lost my mind.. 😉 ).
Yep, we are expecting… and I don’t know if I can be much happier….. I hope she likes her new family.