Okay, it is quiet in the house finally… Everyone is asleep…. Everyone but me! So now I get a chance to breathe…..
It has been a really bad day…. I used to handle these days FAR better before pain (or BP as I like to call it). Am I the only one who feels the weight of stress MORE than I used to?
The day started with a huge amount of pain. I woke up in that kind of agony that takes your breathe away and makes you want to scream…. You know the pain that makes you rock back and forth and makes you call out ‘oh god please help me!’…. It’s not a good way to start the day….
After my meds brought the pain down and put the blood back into my white knuckles I had to face the fact that the Christmas present I got this year HAD to be returned…. Most people wouldn’t think it was such a big deal right? Well this gift (a digital ebook reader) was something I had wanted for a few years now! It was something I knew I’d be able to use no matter how badly I feel, and reading books is often an escape from the pain for me. When the nerve pain gets bad in my hands I have a hard time holding on to a hard cover book… It seemed like the perfect gift!!! I was in heaven when I finally got one! I would have never purchased one for myself!
It didn’t work…. Out of the box on Christmas Day it didn’t work! The short story is I’ve spent no less that 40 hours working on it, calling tech support, 3 visits to the store – nobody could figure it out!! So today I returned it… Which made me both angry AND sad. You see I also spent over $100 on books for it that I can’t even use now! And I don’t think I’ll be getting a refund. So I am taking a loss – which is HARD to swallow when you aren’t rolling in money. I can’t work because of my illnesses.
So after shaking that off, I was excited to come home and blog, catch up on my facebook, and connect with all of you, because that is truly priceless to me! It’s worth much more than the $100 I just lost…..
I got home…
I got my jammies on…
I got onto my laptop…
And it FROZE!
So I went to reboot it…
Only to find….
That my laptop is DEAD!!
It tries to boot up
And I get a fatal error
And it dies again…..
WTF? Excuse my language, but really?!?
It is 4 years old! I’ve taken great care of it! And being in chronic pain and generally housebound, it isn’t just a ‘computer’, it is my link to the outside world, my ‘friend’, my ‘support system’…. And I’m beside myself….
I used to be good with stuff like this, but lately not so much. It just feel like as of late I get kicked when I’m ALREADY down! Co-parenting with an ex has not been easy at times, my love works in sales and relying on commision as income is stressful, I’ve been struggling with my health a great deal, and I’ve even broken out with a case of shingles this past weekend because there is so much stress I’m dealing with right now that something just has to give… And it’s my health unfortunately.
And now this!!
At best it’s going to cost a fortune to fix my computer…. At worst I’m going to have to have a funeral for it and look at my options for a replacement… $$$$$$$……. I could just cry!
The ‘things’ I’ve lost today aren’t THINGS… They are tools that give this chronic gal a quality of life. 😦
SO… I will blog from my cell phone (now that I figured out how to do that)… And I’ll pray for the best outcome I guess…
I just feel awfully picked on by the universe lately…. I’m not playing the ‘poor me’s’ or having a pity party. I’m just being honest…
I know I’m a tough chick… And I’ll wake up in the morning and battle through another day, because simply put, I don’t give up. I’m not a quitter.
But my prayer tonight is for some peace in my life SOON….
I hope that’s not too much to ask…..