Well, that was fun! Not….. Yawn…. Stretch….. Ouch………..
Wow, that was a bad night. I don’t know if I ever really have “good” nights actually, there are usually just variants of bad, but as far as BAD goes, last night was BAD.
I am in the type of pain that should be illegal….. My back is SCREAMING….My nerve endings are all on fire, it feels like my skin is burning from the inside out, all the muscles in my body are so tight they feel like they are going to tear, and my head is pounding. Sounds fun, doesn’t it?
The bottom of my feet burn so bad that the carpet feels like a bed of nails this morning. My coffee cup feels like it is on fire. My meds are not working today…. So far anyway…
I want this blog to depict chronic pain candidly and honestly. Most times I put on a happy face and say “I’m fine”. I say it over and over again until it becomes my mantra…. I say it before people even ask….. As soon as I get THAT look from another person, I say “I’m fine”… Sometimes I say it defensively, sometimes I say it with spunk… But when I say it, I generally don’t mean it. So I am NOT going to do that here.
I am NOT fine right now. But I know that I WILL be. I know that because I always am. It seems like no matter how hard I fall, I always seem to pick myself up again.
There is not much I can do right now. When the pain becomes this intense all I can do is BREATHE…. I breathe and wait.
I TRY to not get emotional, I try not to hate or rage. I try not to panic. I try not to DO.
I just try to BE.
And that isn’t easy for me to do some days. I pride myself on being the very best Mom and partner I can be. I like to DO…. it is my pleasure to DO…. and it makes me feel sad when I have to stop doing and start being.
My son is home from school again today. He has a cough that just won’t quit. He sounds horrible, but he is as spunky as ever! It’ll be hard to keep up with him today. He woke he up in the middle of the night with those all too familiar words, “Mom, wake up, I am having an asthma attack”. And as I write this he is coughing up his left lung AND trying to plug his guitar into his amp…. Um… Right…. I don’t think so!!! My honey is still asleep, and there is NO WAY I have enough patience for an 8-year-old Rock jam today. 😉
I am going to make myself another coffee, and I am going to BREATHE….. I am going to just BE……
I will just BE until I am well enough to DO.
Happy Friday Everyone!
I hope wherever you are, you are pain-free and well rested.
Thanks for listening.