Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Compassionate Drug Use’ Category

Thanks everyone for all the support and encouragement you have all given to me this past week… I can promise you that is had made a difference… and I apologize if I haven’t gotten back to all of you… It has been hard enough treading water the past few days… I will get back to all of you, it just might take a bit of time…

It was a week ago that I threw my lower back out, and unfortunately not much has changed… I am getting through one minute at a time, looking for distraction, giving into my pain, fighting through it, sitting with it, ignoring it, getting mad at it… doing whatever I can in the moment to get myself through….

There has been some downfall after my joints gave up… subsequent muscle spasms, over-compensating, referred pain.. all the nasty stuff that comes with it… so what started out as back and hip involvement has turned into a really heavy all-over body pain… sleep is hard to come by, food only serves a purpose – to add something to my belly other than the caustic meds that are swirling around in there… and the smile on my face hurts… meaning… it isn’t a joyful smile, more a grimace with the corners of my lips turned toward the sky… I am trying people, I am really trying…..

I have a Doctor’s appt. this coming Monday, and I am already dreading it…  I know it is coming… I will be told again that the ‘professionals’ think I am depressed… and I am NOT… Do they understand that there is a difference between feeling desperate when the pain rises, and having uncontrolled emotion that has an effect on everything you say and do in your daily life?  To me, there is a HUGE difference!

You know, the normal questions they ask to try to gauge how depressed you are….

Are you sleeping?

Have your eating habits changed?

Are you finding that enjoyable experiences in life are dulled or unappreciated?

Um… HELLO?  DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE LIVING WITH EXCRUCIATING PAIN DAY IN AND DAY OUT?

Yes, my sleeping patterns have changed, only because when I crawl into bed at night the searing hot pain won’t let me turn off…

Yes, my eating habits have changed, because when it is hard to breathe, and the pain immobilizes you, it tends to take the enjoyment away from making homemade chili, with fresh-baked buns, amd a lemon meringue pie for dessert…

Am I finding that enjoyment and pride I should be feeling when my son brings home a 100% on his science test, or do I laugh when I am watching that funny new sitcom?

Well obviously NOT… but it isn’t because I am depressed!!  It is because my pain is all-encompassing!

Dinner tastes like pain

Bread baking in the oven smells like pain

The smile on my son’s face is beautiful, but the ‘pain’ glasses I see everything through blurs things a little…

My heart can SOAR with pride, but my body has a different visceral reaction, and I can’t control that.

Holding hands with my love feels great in my heart.. it however hurts my skin…

And I would be over the edge JOYFUL spending an hour in my jetted tub with my wonderful lavender bath salts… if it was by CHOICE that I was in there… if I was able to lay back and read in the tub with a glass of wine, instead of holding the edge of the tub white-knuckled, and rocking back and forth because it hurts too much to sit on hard porcelain…

Depression is a serious illness, it shouldn’t be taken lightly, and I commend EVERYONE who admits to struggling with it, and getting proper medical help… God knows I have been there before… IF you are there right now, I urge you to let someone IN and get help… PLEASE… Depressions isn’t something to mess around with…

What I am feeling right now is very different….

The difference is.. If my pain lightened JUST a little at this VERY moment.. If  I could flip a switch and INSTANTLY come down from a 9/10 to a 7/10 I would be the happiest girl on the planet…. IN AN INSTANT!!

Depression doesn’t work that way… It takes weeks, months and years of multi-modal treatment to be able to feel happiness and joy when you are really suffering from depression…  The road can be long… It has been for me anyhow.

All I need is a 15 minute break from this nasty winded feeling that goes along with intense pain…

I have a beautiful family, amazingly supportive parents… a man who is in LOVE with ME… the real me…

I have a precocious and brilliant and compassionate young boy, and he is my world…

I have a creative mind, a big heart, and I love myself more than I have ever done in my life.. I accept ME.. and it has been a long process getting there… 36 years to be exact…  I accept the ME that lives in Chronic Pain each and every day… and I try daily to make the very most of the life I have been given.

I have a network of inspiring and beautiful friends in my life, and I ‘belong’…. THAT is the most wonderful feeling.

So no, I am not depressed… I can see all my blessings…

There is just a wall of pain up between me and all of that…

Pain is the issue at the moment… Depression is not.

I just have to convince ‘them’ of that.

I want TREATMENT for my PAIN… I am not interested in taking a medication I don’t need.

I AM FRUSTRATED… and I am ALLOWED TO BE…

Wouldn’t ANYONE feel that way after 168 days of unrelenting pain? 7 days in agony and counting…. (Okay so it has been more like YEARS than days.. but I mean this past ‘flare’)

I am STILL blessed… I’d just like to get back to embracing those blessings…

I have a bear hug bubbling up inside me… I just need to be well enough to give it away.

**If you are reading this anywhere other than http://www.gracefulagony.wordpress.com it is because this post has been stolen. Please click on the link provided to return to the site of origin

Read Full Post »

On September 3, 2010, the International Association for the Study of Pain met in Montreal, Quebec and held the very first International Pain Summit. Approximately 281 people attended the event from around the world to discuss the importance of pain relief as a HUMAN RIGHT and the need for guidelines Before beginning the and new strategies on how to handle this medical crisis. To be frank, as a whole people do NOT understand chronic pain as many of you know from personal experience. We live in a society in which pain control has not been a human right thus far. What we fight for everyday – compassionate drug use, respect, education, and advocacy are not only national issues within our own medical community, but they are WORLD issues that have hit epidemic proportions.

I have said many times here on Graceful Agony that we want our voices to be heard. We want to be treated with respect. We want to have a quality of life which we would not be able to find without pharmaceutical help. WE WANT OUR RIGHTS – to be treated fairly, with dignity and compassion.

Below you will find the short video presentation that the IASP were shown at the beginning of The International Pain Summit. I warn you now that although it isn’t what I would call “Graphic”, it was hard to watch from an emotional standpoint.

One thing is for sure, you can not dispute the fact that without the availability of opiate-based narcotics endless and unnecessary suffering will occur.

I wanted to share this video with all of my readers today and share a message….

The World has become quick to judge people who take certain forms of medication. Many of us have been labeled by our own families, our friends, and our employers.  Some of us have been judged by our Pharmacists and Doctors even….

Isn’t it time to stop all of that and start living by the Golden Rule?

Treat others the way you would want to be treated in that same position.

Don’t judge.

Promote understanding and Awareness.

Whether you suffer from pain or not, you can stand up for someone who does.

If we can somehow become a unified voice, maybe then people wouldn’t have to suffer.

 

psst… Have you voted today for the Canadian Blog Awards? This might be your very last chance to vote!  Please consider Graceful Agony in the Chronic Illness, Health, Best New, Best Overall, and Best Personal categories!

**If you are reading this anywhere other than http://www.gracefulagony.wordpress.com it is because this post has been stolen. Please click on the link provided to return to the site of origin

Read Full Post »

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 172 other followers

%d bloggers like this: