When pain takes away your breath… when you are white-knuckled, and are living second to second as the clock ticks……….. ticks……….. ticks………… so S-L-O-W-L-Y you can barely stand it…..
When you want nothing more than to start tearing at your flesh… ripping off your skin… trying to find what is hurting underneath, so you can find the source and fix it… what do you do?
When no matter what position you get it in … in the bath, laying down… on your hands and knees on the floor… You cannot make the pain subside…. what do you do?
When the desperation starts to slowly creep in to your thinking, and starts to take over…. when you cry out… LOUDLY… PLEASE GOD HELP ME…. what do you do?
These moments are the hardest… and although I know ‘this too shall pass’.. I can’t find relief… I can’t find relief… I CANNOT FIND ANY RELIEF… and it is hard to breathe… and I don’t know what else to do….
So What do YOU do?
I’m holding on… and HATING all of this…. I dropped my head and tried to remember my life before pain… and I cannot… I honestly can’t. To tell you the truth I think I have blocked it out, because the memory would be far too painful…. It made me cry….. it still makes me cry…
Please know, if you are feeling this way, you are not alone.. I am feeling this way too tonight… breathe in.. breathe out… take my hand… we will get through this together… I promise.
I don’t know how…
I don’t know when…
but I know we will….
XOXOXOXO
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I’m here with you, holding your hand. We will white knuckle it together. Hang on. We will make it thru! xoxo
Breathe………………..Luv ya…………….Tammy
http:spicyt.wordpress.com
Oh sweetie, I wish I knew what to tell you what to do. I don’t know what to do on those nights except take more pain medication and cry. I will keep you in my prayers. These nights and days are awful. Beyond awful. Just be strong.
xoxo
{{{Jolene}}}, We can hold each others hand from far away. I am having a hard night too. Pain meds and Biofreeze on my muscles and joints and it hasn’t helped. love you and miss you…dear friend. I am praying for you….me….all of us in pain. Now if only he hears us…..
Sylvia~
Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry . . . I know what you’re going thru, I’ve spent so many nights not able to sleep, not able to find a position that doesn’t hurt, not being able to find a pill or an herb that will even ease the pain; and hurting so much that all I wanted was just to die so it would STOP, hurting so bad that I couldn’t even cry . . .
Just remember that it ALWAYS does ease eventually. Grab that knowledge, hang on tight, and just BREATHE.
I’m so sorry you’ve been miserable this past week Jolene. I was right there with you last night. I got about a half hour of sleep and in that short time I dreamed I was pretending to be asleep while my husband was asking if I was awake, so it was like I didn’t sleep at all. Of course, because I got no rest, I’m hurting terribly bad this morning.
I’ve discovered this awful heat is even worse than the extreme cold of winter, (or maybe it just feels that way at the time). We had a heat index of 105 yesterday and I was stupid enough to take my sons hiking – yes, hiking – in the mountains! It’s no wonder I couldn’t sleep and feel like crap now. My own fault.
I hope you get to feeling better real soon! Much hugs *gentle* to you!
Okay, Deanna, I don’t even know you, but you are nuts! HIKING? 105? Lord, I hope you are okay today!
Jolene, I am so sorry. I have never read a post like this from you before. Damn, I am so sorry!!! I don’t know what it was about last night–the heat across the country, I guess. I wanted to die last night, too. Oh, my back hurt so bad. Just like everyone else I could not get comfortable. I ended up standing for a period of time–seemed like hours, was probably minutes–but my neuropathy kicked in, burning, burning so I had to sit. Now my legs and feet were competing with my back for who’s the worst “honors”.
I PRAY fervently for all of us that today and tonight will be calm and comfortable and the pain meter will be in the tolerable range. I don’t believe “pain free” is an option after a night like last night. But, I would settle for tolerable.
Gentle hugs to all,
CJ
Thanks CJ… I try to stay as positive as I can… but I have some really dark days as well… and that was one of them. I didn’t mean to scare anyone – I just wrote from my heart, and after I read it this morning I realized how it could have frightened a few people…. but isn’t that the truth about this life…. there are HORRIBLY dark moments… and I am so blessed that I get to share them with the amazing group of women we have joined…. It doesn’t take the pain away, but it makes a world of difference knowing that my friends understand…
I hope you are doing better today…. I hate that we all go through this… and I hope one day “pain-free” might be something that is attainable… not just a pie in the sky notion…
GREAT job on the blog carnival post by the way! I hope I did your introduction justice… If I haven’t yet told you, it is ‘custom’ in a blog carnival to create a new post once that Carnival Round goes live, and blog about your experience taking part in that round – and link back to the article (so this time that would be THIS article), that way your readers can follow along if they choose to as well. I am just reminding people of this because so many gals in the group are new to the process and I don’t think I made that part clear…. Sorry…
Thank you CJ for all of your support, and your friendship…
xoxo
Hi, it’s Laurie (hibernationnow). I don’t know if you realized it but I often refer to you in my blogs. (not by name). I’ve said that I don’t know how you do it, when pain overwhelms you and you can’t hold your son or husband’s hand…..that it hurts you too much. I’ve often said I don’t belong in “this club” because of all the courage you and the other friends have. I wish there was something I could do to help, I am sending you soft healing hugs that won’t hurt. I am in awe of you.
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WOW! I’ve been there and done that……Wonderful wording.
Thank you Kelley… I was definitely having a hard time the other night…. And for as crappy as that is, it always amazes me how many people can relate… I am sorry that is the case, and there are so many people suffering out there… but I am so thankful for this community, and how supportive and understanding it is…
Gentle Hugs for you my friend…