Okay, this is really starting to make me mad… for two weeks straight now, pain has been my alarm clock… After an on-and-off tossing and turning- maddening kind of sleep I get woken up sharply (and way too early) by pain. There has to be a better way…
I am taking a boat-load of medication at night, and I am sure under normal circumstances it would knock an elephant out!! WHY oh why is it that I can’t get more than 3 hours of sleep?!? Grrrr…… it might be another long day.
Again this morning, pain had me out of bed before I could even open my eyes… It is so intense that I can barely breathe, and I am struggling to sit here at the moment… but I thought I would write SOMETHING down as I wait for my meds to kick in.. at least this way I have a distraction. I am MAKING myself go back to bed today… I really don’t want to, but I absolutely have to get some rest…. I am running on empty here, and the fumes are almost gone as well… If I stall out, it won’t be a pretty picture, THAT is for sure!!
On days like this, I try to remember what I was like BEFORE pain hit.. I know that once upon a time I didn’t feel this way, I slept like “normal” people do…. I woke up to my kitty scratching at my feet and the sounds of music blaring from my radio… I turned over and went back to la-la land on weekends… I coveted the “sleeping in” ritual…. I know I did, but I just cannot make a connection to those days anymore…. it all seems so distant and unreal to me now….. With each day that passes I remember less and less about what it was like to live a life with no pain.
I am not asking for much I don’t think…. 5 hours of sleep each night… peaceful, restful, healing sleep…. I would love to be woken up by my son at the bedroom door, or by my kitty wanting to get scratches and love… I would even be THRILLED to be woken up by the garbage truck outside on the street…. All the things that people complain about, I would LOVE to experience…. because it has to be better than what I’ve got now…
My meds are starting to work now, and the shock that I felt an hour ago is being replaced with exhaustion…. so I am heading back to bed…
Whatever it is you are doing this weekend, I hope you are doing it with a smile in your heart, and less pain in your body… You all keep me going some days… and I wanted to thank you for being my strength at times when I cannot seem to muster any up on my own…
Yawn… stretch… ouch…. time to go back to bed…
Blessings to you as your rest this weekend. You are in my thoughts and prayers!