I am not JUST PAIN.
Pain is a four-letter word…. 4 very trite letters… side-by-side they create a pint-sized word that has had the power to define me. I think the word “pain” should be as grand as Super-cali-fragi-listic-expi-ali-docious or as important as existence or as special as adoration. The word “pain” just sounds so insignificant. “I’m in pain” doesn’t even begin to explain what my life is all about. It doesn’t explain how I really feel…. It doesn’t acknowledge who I am, where I come from, or what I do. PAIN is what society declares I am…..
I am a Chronic PAIN patient
I live in PAIN everyday
PAIN is what sets me apart from others
PAIN becomes my identity to the misunderstood
But it isn’t WHO I am, it is WHAT I feel, and the difference is paramount. I can think of so many other 4-letter words that epitomize who I am.
I LOVE my family passionately!!
I am a WARM daughter, a WILD sister, and a WISE mother.
I LOST my brother just over ten years ago now, and I MISS him more than I can ever express in words. I HOPE that he knows how much his love changed my life. The LOSS I FELT when he left me has never truly gone away. I HOPE he is proud of me.
I am a TRUE friend, a KIND person, and I GIVE to a fault at times. I can get so caught up in focusing on others that I forget to take care of myself. I am my own worst enemy at times, although I never set out to be…. It is just that I am a CARE-taker, and I want to HELP everyone!
I tend to be really CALM when faced with adversity. I have been through a great deal in my life, and I have TRIED to learn from it all. I have a STILL and quiet strength that I positively know has come from all the hardships I have struggled through. I am a survivor.
I can be WARY of others, only because I have been betrayed many times. I have experienced enough heartache to know that trust can be broken permanently. But I still have a SOFT heart. I still believe the BEST in people, and I don’t ever want that part of me to change. I WORK HARD to HOLD on to who I am, because I don’t want this world to change me.
I have a ZEAL for life. I believe it is my DUTY to pass along my experiences, my HOPE, and my strength to others. It is what makes this world go around, and I want to be a PART of the big scheme of things….. I want to MAKE a difference.
I FEAR not ever being WELL again, but I don’t let that fear dictate who I am. I try to LIVE each day to the very fullest. I want to live a FULL and wonderful life in spite of the physical pain I FEEL everyday.
So some might say that “pain” is a word to describe me
BUT
I am not PAIN…. I am so MUCH MORE.
This is awesome Jolene, you are so clever. Well done!
Thanks so much Meg! I really appreciate all of your kind words. I hope you and your family have a great weekend!! Thank you for always taking the time to encourage me!
Jolene
Beautiful!!!you have a way with words that i wish i had:)
Hi Michelle!
thank you so much for saying that! It really means a lot to me! And a formal “Hi” and “Welcome” to my cyber-living room!
You are ALWAYS welcome here!!
Gentle Hugs!
Jolene
Yes! Pain is part of the framework of our lives, but it doesn’t define us. What defines us is who we are, and what we do, and although pain becomes a larger part of that definition when we flare, we can’t allow it to become our whole lives.
I love this post, and the way you remind yourself of all the other facets of your life. I think everyone who has a chronic illness needs to do something like this so that on the bad days, when it feels like we are nothing but our pain, we can look at it and remind ourselves that there is so much more to us than our illness.
I frequently make this mistake myself. Whenever I have to do an “About Me” type of thing, one of the first things that goes in is “bipolar fibromite” because that is such a big part of me, but I tend to forget that my illnesses are not the sum total of my life.
Thank you for this.
Wendy
Aww, Thanks Wendy! I also make the mistake of telling people What I go through instead of telling people WHO I am… I think it is an identity issue that all us chronics go through
I am so glad that I am not alone in feeling this way…. I try to remind myself especially during my bad days that I am NOT pain….. but I am human, and I fail at this too
HUGS GIRL!
I hope you have a nice weekend!
Jolene
WOW JOLENE,
Nicely said and I relate so well to your words. Yes ,we are all so much more than “pain “and I pray every day that people will not let this pain dictate the true loving women that I am and have always been!
Remember that those who have given up on us have lost a precious gift ( us ) but that we will never give up on ourselves as we are all so worth the fight and challenge. To be able to enjoy life to our fullest no matter if its to do simple things throught the day or to be able to kick up your heels on the dance foor……..life is a dance! it just depends on the type of music you want to play and the people you want to dance with.
With Love
I LOVE what you said!! “Life is a dance! It just depends on the type of music you want to play…”, Starlene that is really inspiring! Thank you for sharing that with me!!
I am so comforted to know that there are so many amazing people out there that I can relate to… YOU being one of them!!
HUGS!!
Jolene
This is a very graceful and thoughtful post. I call myself a chronic pain survivor; there are chronic pain warriors, chronic pain adventurers, chronic pain soliders, chronic pain mystics; the list goes on.
I still deal with chronic pain, but I try to choose a survivor, not a victim of or defined by my pain. I have two types of atypical chronic pain which don’t fit neatly into any catagory or compartment; blogging (I started a blog which developed into trying to put a postive spin on chronic pain and examine alternative therapies and complementary medicine to deal with issues of chronic pain) has provided me with both an outlet, and a way of meeting folks whose paths, such as yours, I would never cross unless in the cybersphere.
I read your post on another blog, http://www.chronicpainrecovery.wordpress.org, in which you mention several alternative therapies you have tried. I would love to include your experiences in my blog if you would like to share. I would also like to link to your site: your entries are evocative, and provocative.
Thanks,
Phylor (http:www.phylor.wordpress.org)
Phylor,
I love to hear of others that are surviving this journey too!
I have days like that too! So NO WORRIES to your stream of comments! It made me smile!
Thanks so much for coming to visit from Mary’s page and reading my blog! I really appreciate the kind things you said! You are so very welcome to link to my site, and I don’t mind sharing my experiences with alternative therapies in your blog. How would you like to go about that? I do have a great deal of experience with alternative medicine and therapy for the treatment of chronic pain… and I am a survivor as well!
I am sure glad you stopped by! Please feel free to read through more of my experiences, and questions and comments are always welcome!!
Jolene
I really love your blog title & I really love who you have reminded all of us with chronic pain that we are all so MUCH MORE than our pain. It’s nice to get to know the real Jolene!
Thanks SO much Selena! And thank you so much for hosting the blog carnival! It was the first time I have taken part in one, and I think it’s AWESOME!! I loved reading EVERY post, and would LOVE to host one too one day!
Sorry it has taken me awhile to get back to you… I’ve had some technical difficulties the past 2 days
But I am SO relieved that I got to borrow a computer long enough to read through everyone’s posts today!
Gentle hugs to you! You have a wonderful blog, and I think you are such an inspiration!!